Self-harm, though an issue increasingly recognized and addressed in teenagers, is not a new phenomenon. Many of the mysteries surrounding adolescents who practice self-harm, also known as self-injury (SI), self-mutilation, or “cutting”, have been dispelled with recent improvements in child psychology, but many still remain. Support groups for cutters have sprung up, such as http://www.selfharm.net/self.html, however, often even websites such as these neglect to address how self-harm affects those associated with the person practicing the self-harm, from close family to casual friends.

My personal experience with a family member who practiced self-harm was difficult for both of us, as I could not (and still do not) fully understand what drove her to such an extreme. Depression and an inability to express her emotions played a large part in making the situation worse, and that I could relate to; being a teenager is not something to take on alone. But I didn’t understand why she continued to cut, even after the issue was addressed and dealt with, so I thought, through therapy. Though I tried to do everything I thought possible to help her – trying to discuss it, trying to help the scars heal, trying to relate to her anxieties – it was her issue to work through, and I felt helpless because there was nothing I could really do but be there for her. The cycle of worry, anger and guilt continued every time she cut, which perpetuated her own cycle of depression and guilt. In retrospect, I’m not sure what, if anything, I could have done differently to help her. In the end, it took her willpower to change the situation.

Self-injury can also physically affect those around you, as I have also personally experienced. At a period in my life when I was going through a great deal of stress, I began to relieve some of that tension by using safety pins to prick and scratch long cuts on my wrists and arms – not mortal injuries by any means, but enough to draw blood and experience the relieving rush of sensation that I felt I needed. When my best friend found out about this, she began to do similar things, only taking them a step further. By the end of that year, I was still using safety pins, but she had carved and burned someone’s name into her leg – and the trend was spreading. In my class, it became something of a status symbol to self-inflict, whether by bruises or cutting the name of your crush on your arm instead of a tree. Whether those cases were children seeking attention or real cases of self-harm precipitated by depression isn’t important, but the seriousness of the situation never left me.

I had recently gotten myself out of that habit, via numerous distractions, when I encountered the family member who also practiced self-harm, and perhaps it was remembering my friends and classmates that made dealing with her issues separate from my own so difficult. It has taken a lot of self-control, communication and understanding on everyone's part to make life run more smoothly, but it's entirely possible. "Self-harm", I've learned, is a bit of a misnomer; People who practice it can harm others around them as well, but that shouldn't be a guilt trip or a trigger. It should be the beginning of more open discussion and a point of consideration between those who self-harm and those who love them.