Published: June 15. 2006 7:00AM

Frank Scicchitano might be retired, but he's a busy man.

Softball and basketball games, school plays and swim meets fill his evenings. Sometimes he has to juggle more than one a night, watching three innings of one game then driving across town to take in three innings of another.

After all, you can't see just one grandchild's game and not another.

"You treat 'em fair," he said. "Firm and fair."

Scicchitano still reserves the right to spoil his nine grandchildren, even though he claims to do so only as much as any other grandparent would. "If you call giving them all the love you can, I spoil them," he said.


Freedom from the responsibility of discipline, feeding the family, worries over money and providing roofs over heads give grandfathers such as Scicchitano the ability to relax and enjoy their grandchildren. All the responsibility lies with their children, parents to those fun-loving kids who are just waiting for a big bear hug from Grandpa.

"All you have to do is have fun and spoil them,"said Ernie Robinson, 59. Being a grandfather "takes a lot of the burden off. You just enjoy the young personality you've got there now."

Jeffrey Natalie, a licensed social worker in Erie, said that 1950s cultural and economic changes forced a change in family values. Fathers were pulled away from their children to focus on work, which caused a disconnect in the father-child relationship.

"Then between ages 40 and 50, men become much more contemplative about their relationships with their children," Natalie said. "All the regrets, lost wishes or goals get to be played out a second time around with grandchildren."

Greene Township's Jim Whitehill follows his granddaughter's wishes and tries to never use the word "no" when he sees 2-year-old Renee. "I don't have to worry about the repercussions," Whitehill said. "It's not my job to discipline. It's my job to have fun."


Larry Kisielewski, grandfather of 4-year-old Nicholas, said he's more relaxed as a grandparent than he was as a parent.

"When I was a father, basically starting out in life, I had more money pressures," said Kisielewski, grandfather of Nicholas, 4. "Things I'd flip out about years ago, it's not as important now. Now I've learned not to sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff."

Kisielewski said he will spend a Saturday morning taking Nicholas to his swimming lessons. After the lesson, they'll swim together and then go to dinner at the Siebenbuerger Club.

When he's with Nicholas, "we just get going. We lose track of time," he said. "Time just seems to go."

For grandfathers, whose priorities have changed from work to family, there's always time for a grandchild. Whitehill sees Renee only every few weeks because she lives in Pittsburgh, so when he does see her, he makes sure to give her all the time she needs.


"You don't mind stopping everything you do to spend time your granddaughter," Whitehill said. "All other forms of endeavors cease when she arrives."

Dan Bukoski said now that he's retired, he has more time to spend with his grandson Eli, who will turn 2 in July. He has more time than he had when his own kids were young and he worked full time.

"With Eli, if it takes me an hour to do a five-minute job, I don't care," he said. "You appreciate it more, because you can do it at a slower pace.

"When I'm with Eli, my world slows down. Through him, I see things that you normally look right past as you rush to do something else. I probably did this with my kids, but I had so much more going on at that time of my life. Even though I enjoyed it, it seems so much more special now."

Robinson said he's enjoying his grandchildren so much that he wishes he'd had them first. "I always joke to my wife that grandchildren are God's gift for not killing your own," he said.


Lisa Haney, Scicchitano's daughter, said grandparents just seem to be more relaxed than parents. "They're older, they're wiser," she said.

A report released by the Ohio State University Extension said life experience makes grandfathers a great sounding board for their grandchildren.

"Because grandfathers are one step removed from direct disciplinary and parenting responsibilities, grandchildren tend to be more relaxed, more open to sharing and may ask more thoughtful questions of their grandfathers," according to the report.

Robinson said his 14-year-old grandson, Jacob, likes to play guitar, hunt and fish with his grandfather, but they really enjoy the time Jacob simply calls "chillin'." That's when they just sit and talk.

Harjit Kang said he, too, spends a lot of time talking with his 10-year-old grandson, Kevin Kang. They share stories about school, about the news and stories passed down from Kang's father.


Kevin also likes to surf the Internet, play video games or watch some television shows, activities Kang didn't have years ago in India. "We used to play with simple things, homemade things," he said. They'd use a homemade ball or sticks from a tree to play soccer or hockey.

But even though the activities Kevin enjoys have changed from Harjit Kang's youth, or when he was raising his children, some things remain the same.

"The activities are different,"Kang said. "But with love, there is no difference."

And it's that love that grandchildren sense through swimming lessons, jam sessions on the guitar, minutes exploring that quickly turn to hours or a grandpa's face beaming from the sidelines.

Time spent on the sidelines is priceless, Scicchitano said. "Those are the joys of life," he said. "Forget money."


Haney said her father is becoming more wistful as the years go by. And through it all, she said, "It's always been important to him to keep our family close and together."

Perhaps that goes back to something Scicchitano remembers from one Sunday when he was in high school, coming out of a church in Syracuse, N.Y. He said an older man near him walked out of church and said, "Today is the happiest day. I have all my children with me."

"That always stayed with me," Scicchitano said. "I'll never forget that."

PAM LICCARDI can be reached at 870-1689 or by e-mail.